Originally published: Dec 2, 2014

The rumors were true, the leaked components at least plausibly functional, it finally happened: bigger iPhones.

YOU’RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER POCKET

There is no denying the impetus for this change, the competition went big and sold a lot of phones. The iPhone was designed to fit in your hand, not land small aircraft, which makes sense but sometimes the market is all feels and no reals.

So here we are, adjusting our pocket sizes queuing up for new devices.

DON’T HOLD IT LIKE THAT

The original iPhone set the standard for smart phone sizing. It also set the standard button, port and audio grill locations for an iOS device, but resizing the display makes it impossible for most people to hold the phone in a way that is secure and comfortable, so the power button had to move to the side where its easier to access. In my extensive testing over the past month, the new phone is much harder to hold one-handed and I’m much more likely to accidentally put it to sleep while doing so

At least the antenna seems to work ok.

YOU’RE GETTING OLD

The display of the Plus sized iPhone is a grand concession to our parents. They won’t have to squint to see the screen and there’s even a BIG TYPE feature called Display Zoom. The scaling factor not quite hitting @3X won’t be a problem for those with poor eyesight. Most importantly the image stabilization will be a huge help with those tremors when taking pictures and videos of the grandkids.

Yes, the iPhone 6 Plus (say that ten times fast) is the phone for old people. Not a bad bet, given the top-heavy population pyramids of most industrialized nations and give that old people not only vote but have money to spend. We can expect them to move briskly come the winter gifting season and be particularly popular gifts for Mom and Dad, from Mom or Dad.

CAREFUL WHAT YOU ASK FOR

What’s notable about the iPhone 6 and 6 Plus is that Apple departed from their longstanding “one dimension to rule them all,” a carefully developed and firmly defended size constraint was relaxed in the name of phone fashion and Apple had to accommodate this despite knowing better. As such, the coup de grâce is the double tap feature which brings the screen down to whee your thumb can reach it. Especially critical on the 6 Plus which has a screen considerably larger than most people can even uncomfortably reach across, it represents the worst kind of compromise: “We couldn’t make it that big and still work with your puny hands.”

Or, to put it more bluntly: “Here’s your fucking phablet, jerks.”